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Need a laugh? Here are a few jokes…

justin-young-147867

Yesterday I posted an appeal for jokes on Facebook & LinkedIn as I was going to the “Pudding Club” and needed a few up my sleeve.

I figured Facebook would land a few but didn’t hold out much hope for LinkedIn… how wrong was I, the jokes are still being added and at the time of writing nearly 6,000 people have viewed the post!

Fort Cafe hosted the Pudding Club and produced the best steak pie I’ve eaten from a restaurant ever!

I’ll keep adding the jokes as they are offered up… you might be able to use one or two next time you’re down the pub…

pudding club sidmouth

I used the “highlighted” joke offered up by business coach, speaker guru and TV Channel owner Mr Ben Kench… cheers Ben, joke went down a treat, apart from me laughing as I hit the punch line 😉

A very sad day. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He had sex with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? Ones really heavy, the others a little lighter.

Did you know that Meatloaf’s wife used to also be his accountant? She would do anything for love but she won’t do vat…

What do you call a man with a bird sat on his head? Cliff
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Dug

Golf’s great isn’t it. Just like sex. You don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it.

Just been diagnosed with anxiety and constipation, I’m worried shitless

Dr dr my cocks gone all scaly… ah yes, you have a reptile dysfunction

I know a man who took a laxative instead of Viagra, he’s shit in bed

I’m no cactus specialist but I know a prick when I seen one

If Apple made cars would they have windows

When 3 people have sex, it’s called a threesome
When 2 people have sex, it’s called a twosome
Now I understand why they call you handsome

Wife “I wish I had bigger tits”
Husband “Try rubbing paper between them”
Wife”Do you think that works?”
Husband “Well it did for your arse!”

“Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was extremely silly?”
“No, I said, she was fucking Goofy!”

A chicken and a frog walk into a library, the chicken says a book book book book, the frog says reeaaad it

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

The one about the Baker with dirty hands…. he needed a poo

Why can’t a bycicle stand up by itself??? It’s too (2) tyred (tired)

A guy was stood outside Wembley stadium trying to buy a ticket for the cup final .when a tout approached and offered him a ticket for £500 the guy taken aback blurted £500 your joking ,i could buy the favors of a loose woman for that the tout smiled that maybe very true but you wont get 45 minutes each way with a brass band in the middle will you

What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror? Hallou…mi!

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens…………because they said Bach, Bach, Bach all day

Went to see a sex therapist & I asked her who was the best lovers red Indians she said followed by the Greeks are best developed & the Irish have stamina the smile when she asked my name Tonto popalopadis but you can call me paddy

Bloke goes in to a chip shop with a fish under his arm and he says to the bloke do you do fish cakes? Yes we do why that said the bloke? Because It’s his birthday

A man walks into a bar and bangs his head because it was an iron bar ,pull yourself together said one curtains to the other , a catacomb is comb for coming cats or on the other hand five fingers and a thumb lol

Lawn and concrete where both having a nice quiet pint in the pub when all of a sudden, tarmac came stomping in. He started through it chairs about and breaking tables. Lawn turned to concrete and said “I’d be very careful of that tarmac, he’s a real cycle path”

A customer went into a pizza shop to buy a pizza. The pizza shop man said “Do you want me to cut it in six or eight?” The customer said ” six I am not that hungry”

Remember it’s the way you tell ’em 😉

Thank you.

Jon

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What a PIG turning 52!

the pig honiton lunch is served

What do you do to celebrate 52… bit of a non age, yep you’re getting older! On Wednesday 29th March we visited THE PIG at Combe… what a fantastic place, perfect for lifting your spirits on a special day in your life 😉

the pig honiton birthday lunch

What an amazing venue to for a celebration…

the pig honiton

Ali had driven passed it on a “night drive” with Charlie when we first landed in Devon and we’d been looking for an excuse to pay a visit.

Walled garden, potting sheds, swings, heli-pads, what more do you need?

the pig honiton travel

Maybe a brolly 😉

the pig honiton pig ladies

More likely a nice glass of fine wine, a menu and a comfy chair…

the pig honiton wine menu

Not sure you’ll find many Slimming World options on there dad, it’ll have to be a sin day! Mind you, everything on the menu comes from within 25 miles of THE PIG, that’s got to reduce the sins in more ways that one!

the pig honiton whats for lunch

What a venue… full when we landed… empty as we left…

the pig honiton fine dining

Have you ever enjoyed smoked salt?

the pig honiton starter bread oil smoked salt

A nice steak done to your liking…

the pig honiton steak

They even let you use ketchup 😉

the pig honiton posh ketchup

You really don’t need a pudding when there’s local cheeses to enjoy…

the pig honiton cheese board

You never know, a flutter on the National and we’ll be back soon…

the pig honiton butterflies

I wonder what’s on Ali’s birthday list… might be a while, need a 100 year old tree first Mrs 😉

the pig honiton spiritually swinging

And if you do want to stay a while…

the pig honiton delux room

You can even bring the little people…

the pig honiton bunk beds

And enjoy a brew…

the pig honiton anyone for tea

Thank you for finding this gem… as I found you 😉

the pig honiton ali laughing

Thank you for making the day special mum…

the pig honiton mum

Thank you for picking up the tab dad…

the pig honiton dad

Thank you to THE PIG for providing the setting for a perfect day…

the pig honiton signed book

If you’re looking for a room with a view…

the pig honiton the view

A grand environment for that special day…

the pig honiton tree

You’d best make your enquiries today >>>

Thank you.

Jon

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That Perfect Birthday Gift – well maybe ;)

ostrich dont each my babies

What do you buy your baby sister for her birthday when she reaches almost a certain age?

flora and fauna

I guess you could buy her flowers? They generally go off in a week not like nature… but they show you care?

i8v3

You could buy her a new car but then she got one of those 7 years ago, so that would be a tad extravagant?

kates birthday prezzie

So how about an Ostrich egg from Greendale so she can make a nice, healthy breakfast for her and maybe half the street?

ali-and-freddie

My wife seemed to think it a bit of a naff idea but hey, it’s the thought that counts… apparently you are suppose to think how the person might feel who you’re buying it for… have you ever heard such nonsense 😉

Thank you.

Jon

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A Hairy Addition to Sidmouth Folk Week #SidFestBEARD

sidmouth folk festival beard competition web banner

Sidmouth Folk Festival 4th to 11th August 2017 will see Sidmouth’s population quadruple and I dare say the bearded population “sea” a very hairy 1000% increase!

Phil Weaver, Sidmouth’s resident Cut Throat barber on Church Street enjoyed a number of years on the Festival circuit before tuning into his own barber shop, a stone’s throw from The Esplanade and the beach!

This year he is hosting Sidmouth Folk Festival’s BEARD Competition #SidFestBEARD with the aim of celebrating men’s grooming, beards, folk and having a laugh during the summer season. Any excuse for a party! Thank you to Bluebeards Revenge for sponsoring the event and Sidmouth Folk Festival for acknowledging it.

This is a nice idea 😉 James Garret, Marketing Manager, Sidmouth Folk Festival

#SidFestBEARD COMPETITION RULES
(Don’t worry there aren’t many!)

Each bearded contender needs to visit “The Barber” on Church Street.

Phil will take your photo and share it via Facebook & Instagram for the readers to Like, Love, Comment & Share to encourage more voting.

Folk don’t need to sit in the chair and have a trim but they’ll obviously want to look their best for the photos… don’t worry, Phil has worked miracles in the past 😉

Phil will give all contenders (while stocks last) a vile of his special beard potion / oil for them to massage into their beards, leaving some longer lasting Sidmouth Cut Throat Shaving Magic to put in their grooming bag which they can always top up online!

Voting closes at 12pm on Friday 11th August and the winner will be announced at 1pm to allow an afternoon of celebrations to commence…

The winner will get £100 worth of Bluebeards Revenge male grooming goodies … hurrah!

Please share this story far and wide so Devon’s bearded contingent is aware they could be a winner this summer…

If your bearded friend isn’t online or you’d like a poster to put up then click image to download the PDF

sidmouth folk festival beard competition 2017

Sidmouth Folk Festival BEARD Competition 2017

Thank you.

Jon

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Shocking News – Could oxygen saves more lives than defibrillators?

lifesaver technology saving lives

Did you know, according to the latest published figures, the Ambulance Service received over 11 million emergency calls nationwide? Of those 3.5 million were immediately life threatening but only 1% were for a cardiac arrest where defibrillators (AED) would be used.

life saver technology oxygenIn life threatening situations it can be assumed that oxygen would be used in the vast majority of cases, as well as being essential after the implementation of an AED.

We all require oxygen to live. While the air normally provides sufficient oxygen many injuries & illnesses can produce a condition known as “shock”. Medical shock can result in a life-threatening loss of oxygen and other nutrients to the cells of the body. During shock the blood & oxygen normally carried to the brain & nervous system decreases. Bodily functions and processes slow down and vital organs begin to die. If the causes of shock are not removed or stopped, the result will be death.

Jeff Gregory of Lifesaver Technology wants to help you care for your colleagues, customers or friends when a sudden illness or accident occurs on the premises.

He believes that sometimes the best innovation comes from products that already exist. He first saw an oxygen product in the United States over 25 years ago!

It took many years of research to find the quality suppliers he needed to produce Lifesaver Technology’s unique emergency oxygen equipment.

With a product launch in late 2014 and entry into a national competition for “products that could make a difference” Lifesaver Technology got to the final 50 from over 3500 entrants and knew they were on their way…

This year they are through to the finals of Devon’s Fast Track to Growth competition #FT2G2017 organised by Astley Media & Devon County Council.

Lifesaver Technology offers the most simple to use, fixed flow portable oxygen unit available in the UK today. Unlike other forms of equipment it is designed with the non-medical rescuer in mind, ready to use within seconds of an accident or sudden illness.

The length of time between the onset of that medical emergency and the arrival of professional help can be considerable but it is that time which is crucial to a successful recovery and outcome for the casualty.

Life threatening emergencies can strike anyone unexpectedly at any time… brain death can occur in less than 4 minutes…

With a safe fixed flow rate, it can provide a supplemental supply for up to 60 minutes while awaiting the professionals.

A simple on-off lever, with none of the usual dials to adjust, reduces rescuer anxiety, while the dual purpose facemask provides important protection during basic life support.

Jeff believes emergency oxygen should be viewed in the same way as fire extinguishers, hopefully we will never need them but if we do they are there, ready.

life saver technology logo

Obviously, emergency oxygen equipment administration needs a short training course, just like defibrillators or any other workplace equipment. Don’t worry, Jeff and his team will take care of that.

Now all that needs to happen is that every business in the UK needs to be aware that having a portable oxygen supply available would be a very useful, logical addition to their First Aid kit.

Let’s get started here in Devon by sharing a link to this story…

If you’d like to know more simply complete the form and I’ll get someone from the team to make contact within 48 hours.

Thank you.

Jon

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Does this get your motor running?

exeter city futures colab event

Love hearing about people trying to solve near impossible problems? Well then you need to rock up to Exeter City Futures next event coming to a venue near you soon…

Wednesday evening they ran one of their “Exeter City Futures Connect Events” at CoLab on King William Street.

An appropriate venue, talking to Lydia who is the “Welcome Team Leader”, the venue hosts companies that are generally looking after those who struggle to look after themselves for a whole bunch of reasons… mirror that back for a minute!

The overall theme of the evening “make the region congestion free and energy independent by 2025”. As a general population we struggle to see beyond our own needs for travel and so changing the mindset of Exeter folk into thinking about what is best for the community at large is a huge ask.

The minds of those coming in from “the smoke” AKA London where the noise, pollution and congestion are all just part of day to day life should be easier because for many, that will be the reason they have moved down to Devon in the first place.

The fact that its arteries are now getting blocked should be a concern as a more negative, self serving energy wave follows that mirrors London’s eco system.

Enough of that… to the evening… what a great event… 7 speakers all gave of themselves and shared their vision for a better tomorrow.

Peter Cleasby got the party started with a talk entitled “Better use of land and help reduce energy use” sharing his thoughts on how closing living potential means less fuel… he know his eggs judging by his LinkedIn profile!

Eric Lybeck took a deep dive on more joined up University living with “What is Civic Sociology?” showing some pics of Edinburgh which brought back memories of my time in bonnie Scotland.

Neil Brown of Simply Connect shared “Transport for the low-carbon digital economy” and implied they had come up with a solution without showing us any meat on the bones. No real engagement on Twitter with link to website and subsequent link to a SEEDRS fundraiser offering 8% for £200,000 having raised £12,210 and showing a base in Scotland.

Not sure how environmentally friendly it is to drive from Inverness, a 1200 mile round trip to do a 5 min pitch? I guess if he was in town anyway then that’s cool…

Top tip for Neil would be ensure you have 25 – 30% of your investment lined up to go when running a crowd funding campaign as you need that level of energy to encourage others to stick their hand in their pocket… lower than that and it all tends to go pear.

Nick Bromley “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” Quote: Albert Einstein gave an entertaining spot…

Life-is-like-riding-a-bicycle.-To-keep-your-balance-you-must-keep-moving

Giles Booth got us thinking about using other arteries, our blue blood – Exeter greatest assets: The River Exe and Ship Canal … had us all canoeing up the Exe… not sure I’d want to do that in the winter months!

Olly Frankland “flu” in and showed us a few examples of how his firm had helped save energy “A smart and flexible energy system” and he saves more by not using Twitter so I can’t quote him but will have to put the light on this firm… just one candle mind!

Last but not least Francis Clark gave us 5 mins on his Exeter Forest project which needs more that a candle.. some of Harry’s heat above would do just nicely to carbonise his content…

Truly a man of the earth…

Gifted and talented…

He’s got a local idea of making charcoal from local woodland to benefit local folk and when he’s ready I’d be happy to turn up the heat for him via my communication channels…

After the presentations we had half an hour’s networking over some healthy nibbles and got to meet some very interesting folk.

Thank you all for being most welcoming and as one chap said, “This event nearer the city of London would have folk looking to get one over on each other but in this setting was a joy.”

See you next time…

Thank you.

Jon
07717 820823

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Getting up to speed with Instagram

ex10-instagram-cut-throat-shaving

Instagram has been around since way back in 2010 and was bought by Facebook in 2012 for $1,000,000,000!

You can share pictures and videos, which other folk with similar interests find, then like, comment and share.

I’d not used it until recently… first stop was to have a word with my man Mark Longbottom who has achieved over 1,200,000 likes for his efforts with Instagram.

Two key takeaways were to use plenty of relevant #hashtags and loading 3 images / videos at a time to give balance to the visual impact when folk view on a PC.

I’d loaded up 18 images before today when I went to visit Phil and we decided to focus on his St James of London range. Historically we’ve produced a blog post which included a video… after we shot today’s video I suggested that we produce sub 1 minute videos around each of the 5 products in the fragrance collection and then share them on Instagram.

We downloaded the Instagram app onto Phil’s phone and I coached him through set up and how to load up images and 10 of his Facebook friends connected up in the next 20 minutes!

I created a bunch of relevant #shaving hash tags and picked a 6th image of the shop sign pointing to the video stack!

I know what you’re thinking… What’s the point of Instagram? For Phil he wants to build up his online sales as well as his barbering and since Instagram is global he could be selling around the world off the back of sharing a few images each day. Time will tell…

If you’d like to discuss how to evolve your business online then let’s talk.

Thank you.

Jon
07717 820823

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What Makes 100%?

herding-cows

Just received an email from my mother that her friend sent her… enjoy 😉

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.

Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why some people are where they are!

Funny… thanks mum 😉

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9000 great reasons to support Rotary International

respect-the-water-header

On Friday night 230 people dressed up as penguins to support three great causes and raised over £9000!

rotary-rob-baxter-dinner-black-tie-dinner-talk

Rob Baxter provided the key note at Sandy Park to local business chiefs!

rotary-rob-baxter-dinner-black-tie-dinner-tv

Over 40 local businesses sponsored tables and offered up prizes for the raffle & auction of prizes money can’t buy.

rotary-rob-baxter-dinner-westerly-bmw-i8-front

Westerly BMW gave us an i8 for the weekend and this raised a fantastic £325 which will be shared out between RNLI, Sidmouth Lifeboat and Sid Valley Rotary’s project “Sea Safe” which is designed to help young people stay safe around our coastline.

rotary-rob-baxter-dinner-ali-dancing

And then we danced till dawn… well, till about 11:30 then home for coco 😉

If you’d like to know more about Rotary then start here.

Thank you.

Jon

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Which social media channels should YOU be using?

jon-davey-social-media-presentation

I’ve been asked to deliver a 20 minute presentation at The Deer Park Country House Hotel, Honiton EX14 3PG next Tuesday 28th February as part of the next Business @ Breakfast networking event.

I’ll be approaching this from a B2B perspective without any fluffy dice or cat pics to protect me.

business-in-berkshire-stats-2008

In 2008 I had 5,000,000 page views to my Business in Berkshire website BUT I’m not a millionaire… don’t get too lost in numbers and the promise of a million dollar windfall!

social-media-weeks-social-media-personality-of-the-year-2011

What I will share will be my take on social media and how you should best approach it if you don’t want to be a busy fool…

The cost is £10, the standard breakfast fee.

Arrive for 7:00am and you’ll be free to go, or stick around to network, from 8:30am

If interested, complete the form below and we’ll send confirmation of your booking within 24 hours.

Thank you.

Jon
07717 820823

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Thank you Julie Hawker

julie-hawker-at-cosmic-it-winner-women-in-social-enterprise-award

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting Julie Hawker of Cosmic, a social enterprise that lives up to its values.

I’ve not had a formal interview for many moons but when I read about Cosmic’s approach to business and noted they had an opening for a chap just like me, I had to apply.

cosmic-home-page

Front and centre on their website under “About” it says…

Our values

We have five main values, and these are the things we aim to be every single day.

• Inspirational
• Ethical
• Friendly
• Supportive
• Innovative

All three interviewers were very friendly Julie, Kate Doodson and Paul Turner took me on a journey, asking insightful questions to determine my suitability for the role.

On one question about highs and lows in business I initially froze… don’t you hate that! But Julie didn’t just sit and stare as some CEO’s might, she alleviated the pain by giving more clarity and allowing me time to gather my thoughts and share a few examples that were freed up due to her kindness.

Very inspirational and I thank you for enabling me to walk away feeling like I’d given a good account of myself rather than the negative beating I could have delivered in post interview analysis.

Sadly the job wasn’t to be mine on this occasion but you just never know what is round the corner and I’m sure we’ll be teaming up on a project sometime soon.

When I asked Julie, which was her favourite Award? It had to be the “Winner Women in Social Enterprise Award”. The Social Enterprise website kindly let me download the picture above to use as part of this story.

Thank you.

Jon

P.S. I always sign off my emails with thank you because of this interview with Dr Emoto

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What does Business @ Breakfast do for you Jacqui?

welcome-for-business-at-breakfast

07:00 hours, it’s Wednesday 22nd February and around 15 people meet up at Fresha for Brekka 😉

I guess we should start with the important stuff… there were at least 10 different Business @ Breakfast meal options available. I went for the traditional full English but I could have chosen waffles and bananas… figured there’d be enough waffling going on!

exminster-garage

Talking about waffling… drum roll… Jo Strachan gave a 15 minute presentation entitled “Exminster Garage … join us on our journey” and it was both informative and heartfelt. Talking about how the business was initially all about work life balance and being able to focus on the kids who are both now excelling in their chosen careers… and the garage will be celebrating 100 years in 2020 and Jo has no plans to give up work anytime soon 😉

I’ve invited all of the Business @ Breakfast members to do 1 minute to camera so we can share it via the blog, Instagram and other relevant social media channels… this week Jacqui Cousins from Belvedere HR stepped up, last time it was Ian Smith from Winning Tenders.

Business @ Breakfast meet at The Deer Park Country House Hotel, Weston, Honiton EX14 3PG every other Tuesday and at Fresha Café, Sowton Industrial Estate, Exeter EX2 7LP every other Wednesday.

If you’d like to know more then simply phone 01395 493000 or email joinus@businessatbreakfast.co.uk

Thank you.

Jon
07717 820823